Rant of the Week: I really don't care...

My feeble attempts to not care any more about football are...well...feeble, to be honest.

I can't help it, it just assails my senses like perfume saleswomen on the first floor of John Lewis (not that I ever go near the perfume counter. Oh no, not me).

It's just that when you know a little about it, people ask you what you think, and it's very hard to state "I don't care" when in certain matters, I do.

I succeeded in missing the England game on Saturday, having about one million and one better things to do with my time (paying a visit to my oft-neglected friends in Lancaster just one of them). But honestly, you would think that it was the end of the world. Seeing all the papers on Sunday I thought "wow, we must have been thumped 4-0". Then upon checking the paper, I discover that actually, all we had was a 2-2 draw.

Yet this result has been appropriated by some of our wonderful organs of news dissemination as a clear indication of the decline and fall of Eriksson's England. This has, of course, nothing to do with the fact that said same reporters have loathed Eriksson from day one because he is - shock, horror - Not English (Newsflash for these little gibbons - a large proportion of the world is Not English, I'm afraid. Therefore I'd advise you to lock yourselves away in your little hovels and avoid any contact with the outside world. Except to buy a noose with which to end your pitifully bitter and sad lives.).

I thought that the press had a particularly appalling approach to the world that day, actually, when you consider what had gone on in Russia. Alan Green (normally good value just for being more bitter, twisted and angry than I am) was deeply offensive in the grand scheme of things, talking about "disasters" and the suchlike. I won't detail things unnecessarily, but instead direct those of you with a little time to Martin Kelner's "Screen Break" column in the Guardian on Monday - he puts it far better than I could.

The point is, as I may have mentioned before, football is ONLY A GAME. It's not "Our National Game" as a large portion of the national press like to think. For one thing, there are many others which could lay claim to that title, and I for one would choose Cricket. If England lose tonight, so what? No-one will die because of it (unless our exemplary fans conduct themselves in their usual manner again), and it's barely even likely to affect our chances of qualifying. Yet the press have decided, having destroyed Emile Heskey's career, they now want both David James and Sven Goran Eriksson to be destroyed too. I think really, we should sack Eriksson and let the newspapers pick and coach the team. That'd solve a lot of headaches.

Anyway, sorry to go on about football again, but it's bugging me. I'll really try to ignore it, honestly. Well, at least until tomorrow...