Toy Story. On Ice.

Why?

It's a simple question. What is this bizarre obsession with recreating films on ice? It's an American import, I think, which normally excuses most things. But there're adverts for it everywhere in London!

I mean, right, ice skating is extremely entertaining to watch. It's very difficult (I've been skating three times in my life and will be happy if it's an experience which is never repeated), the people doing it are normally very easy on the eye, and there's always the possibility that someone might fall over and have a limb sliced off by another skater.

And films. They're great. Toy Story is a fantastic piece of entertainment, (though slightly inferior to A Bug's Life, I think. Nothing will ever beet Heinrich the fat caterpillar).

But ice...skating...and...films?

Who thought that one up? What vile substance was coursing through their body to make them think this would be a good idea? A comedy cowboy and a space man ice skating? The very idea makes my head want to break down. I mean, surely half the fun is watching Buzz come to terms with the fact he's not a toy. How does that translate to ice-skating? Is he going to be having this mid-toy-life crisis while performing a series of highly technical and advanced pirouettes?

No please, please, please for the love of God and my brain, please keep ice-skating and film separate.