I Hate This Place 3

Why are people so gobsmackingly, jaw-droppingly STUPID?

(Picture Stupid in big blocky letters on a hilltop. Actually, this kind of links into one of my more enjoyable fantasies where I creep up into the Hollywood Hills and replace the "Hollywood" sign with one saying "Stupid Fools").

But I mean it. This place seems to attract stupid people in the way that manure attracts flies or Daisy Beckham attracts accusations of having an affair.

Some stupid people do seem to have excuses however.

For example, there were a group of people today gabbing away at the crossing over the Mall. Now this is a particularly lethal crossing as it's only ever crossed by Taxi Drivers or Police Cars, both of which are more dangerous even than George Bush when he realises there's a country in the Middle East that he hasn't invaded yet. But these people were gabbing and wandering out into the middle of the road, carrying on their conversation without looking at the twenty tonnes of screaming death about to mow them down. But they, at least, had a decent excuse - they were foreigners. And we all know London was not built for foreigners - that's why we've got all the dark alleys where people can be mugged in.

Then there was the girl who barged past a group of people ahead of me on the exit to the Bakerloo line at Charing Cross. She got on the escalator, and for all her haste, stopped in her tracks. She wasn't going to walk up, oh no! So everyone else gets on the escalator, and no-one walks up, so this girl is still at the front. Having spent most of the journey up inspecting her nails, she gets to the top, and walks up to in front of the one working exit gate. She then stops, and begins rummaging in her bag for her ticket. Now, I'm not joking when I say she spent about a minute doing this, yet would not let anyone else past her through the gate. So there was a nice little queue of people with their tickets waiting to get past her. I mean, how stupid is this child? It's not as if you don't expect there to be barriers at the exit to the Bakerloo line. But no, apparently, her nails were more important than planning ahead, and if she was going to wait, then she'd be damned if anyone else could usurp her position at the front of the queue.

But even this prime example of stupidity had an excuse. She was a bint.

Then there are the people who phone in on Radio programmes. "Any Answers" on Saturday featured a woman complaining that we have "The Most Authoritarian Government Ever!!!!!" WHAT A STUPID COW!!!! She sounded like she was phoning while her butler held the telephone for her, and her maid brought her a fine mint tea especially imported from one of her numerous islands. If we had an Authoritarian government, she wouldn't be ringing in to complain, because she wouldn't be allowed to. Authoritarian Governments do not allow criticism of themselves by anyone. Then there was this useless waste of breath of a man, interviewed about fox-hunting, who said "I had no interest in hunting until they started trying to ban it. Then I went out and joined a hunt. Cos you know, if they're trying to ban it, it's got to be good." WANKER!!!!

This leads me on to all this moaning about a Nanny State. It's pathetic. Go to Hungary. Or Russia. See exactly what a Nanny State was. We have numerous liberties. Our journalists can still abuse everyone from the Prime Minister down - that's a pretty permissive society. People can still go out for a pie, pints and a punch up on the weekend- If I was this country's Nanny I wouldn't allow that! So what if the Government wants to ban smoking and stop people being lardy - I don't give a shit! If I want to smoke something, I'll go outside! And I think that quite a large portion of our population could do with being told not to eat fat food because they're porkers. Lard Arses! GIANT BLUBBERY BUFFOONS!!!!!

To be quite frank, I think a certain amount of Nanny-ing is important. Because a lot of the population is too stupid to do anything for itself.