I Hate This Place 2

On the corner of Whitehall and Northumberland Avenue, there was quite a nice general store called “Europa”.

When I say “quite a nice” store, I’m judging this on London standards, rather than Global standards. It wasn’t the friendliest place in the world, and it was a fair bit over-priced. So in actual fact, it was a bit crap. But compared to most places in this stinking Hell-hole, it was a positive oasis of lightness.

The shop itself was innocuous. The front of the shop was unobtrusive, as they had made no attempt to convert the outside of the building – all the old windows were still in place, and the only external alteration was a double door on the corner, which was surmounted by an old, weather-worn yellow sign reading “Europa”.

Inside it had high shelves, stocked with all manner of strange and unusual products. There was your standard “Tartan Scottish Shortbread” for Tourists (Scottish Shortbread in London? Why not go to, say, Scotland?), and many other frankly ridiculous items of food on the central isle.

But in the rest of the isles, there was actually decent everyday stuff. For one thing, it remains the only place I’ve found in the area which does McVities Chocolate Shortbread biscuits (truly fantastic for a tea-time snack).

The staff were a fantastic haphazard bunch. They just wore standard clothes, and only two at a time could serve, while at least two other members of staff milled around, re-stocking, or pointing out the mistakes the people on the Till were making. It was gloriously unorganised and as such, quite homely.

A few months ago, it closed for refurbishment. It re-opened at the beginning of September as a “Tesco Metro”.

This is the most depressing thing I have seen in a long time.

Firstly, the old windows have been torn out, and the frames widened, to make space for large tinted plate glass windows bearing the Tesco logo on them. The inside has low shelves just stocking standard produce at more expensive prices than before. The backs of various lurid advertisements in the shop are visible from the windows outside, a tangle of wires and fastenings.

The till area has been replaced so that, instead of two stations with seats behind, there are now five cramped stations, with no room for the staff to sit. True, it means they can serve more people, but I think I preferred the informality of before.

Finally, the staff themselves are the same as before. However, this time, they’re all wearing the regulation blue speckled shirts and blouses and black trousers of Tesco. Whereas before they looked human, now they look like clones of one another. And there’s a certain aura of depression about all of them: whereas before they were the Kings of Europa, now they are the servants of Tesco.

Apparently, this is the way that local shops should go. Tesco are apparently pleased with their range of Tesco Metro stores, claiming their identifiably “British” theme of Red, White and Blue is recognisable and popular in all areas.

They are wrong. Their shop is an eyesore among the venerable buildings next door on wither street to it. I cannot believe how they got planning permission for it. Presumably the MD paid off the planning officers in Whitehall. Or alternatively made himself their bitch for the week. Either way, it’s despicable. I am now waiting to see how long it is before the old faces from Europa are “retired”. After all, to Tesco they’re not people, they’re a commodity. One is much the same as the other.

And they don’t sell McVities Chocolate Shortbread biscuits any more.

(For more reasons why Tesco are crap, go to this article.)