It's a Jerry Springer moment...

Now. Those of you who know me could probably predict this would be coming at some point.

I watched the Jerry Springer the Opera on BBC2 the other night.

For those of you who don't know, it's rude, childish in places, impossibly outrageous and bloody good fun.

To give a taster, one of the choruses features the lyrics:

"What the fuck?
What the fuck?
What the fucking fucking fuck?
Three-nippled cousin-fucker!"

Needless to say, it featured quite a lot of complaints. The majority of these came from the Christian community. Now they were outraged by the fact that at one point in the opera, a direct parallel is drawn between Jesus and a nappy-wearing child-man desperate to soil said nappy. Furthermore, Jesus admits at one point that he "is a bit gay".

I can see why this could be taken as offensive. Not the gayness - after all, he never said he was a "practising homosexual" which would be sinful, and henceforth blasphemous. But the comparison with the child-man is a touch vicious.

Bizarrely I'm not complaining about the people who complained before the opera was actually shown. Apparently 50 000 people did this, of which, if I was feeling PARTICULARLY generous, I'd say 800 or 900 had actually seen the opera before. Actually, no, fuck it, I am going to complain about this - WAIT UNTIL YOU'VE SEEN THE FUCKING THING BEFORE COMPLAINING!!!!! You can't live your entire life by what the Daily Mail says!

But that aside, these people had a right to protest, as I dare say some of their leaders HAD seen the opera. It's interesting though that they condemned the BBC for showing this as being an abuse of their license fees. Apparently 1.8 million people watched this. Taking into account the 50 000 "prior-protesters" and the subsequent 50 000 who complained, that still leaves 1.7 million people who watched and enjoyed it. Do the people objecting to the screening think that the 1.7 million people who did this have no say over where their license fee goes?

But anyway. Enough of my petty ranting. The BBC didn't exactly help themselves. I believe Mark Thompson came out and said something along the lines of "I'm a Catholic and I don't find any of the contents of the opera offensive." Not helping the cause there, Mark. You'd have thought that even the most blinkered pro-Springer could see that it was a tad offensive.

Now, on to the big rant. Apparently the Controller and Schedulers of BBC2 had to flee their houses with their families under armed guard because, after a Christian group posted their personal contact details on their website, they received credible death threats.

A touch of research has shown the following to be the Ten Commandments:

I. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
II. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.
III. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain.
IV. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
V. Honour thy father and thy mother.
VI. Thou shalt not kill.
VII. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
VIII. Thou shalt not steal.
IX. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.
X. Thou shalt not covet any thing that is thy neighbour's.

So nowhere in there does it say "Thou shalt not say Jesus is a child-man or is a bit gay." In fact, it doesn't even say "Thou shalt not blaspheme," but we'll give them the benefit of the doubt on that.

What it does say, however, is "Thou shalt not kill."

Commandment VI - see it?

So what the Hell are these stupid, blinkered, pig ignorant horse fuckers doing sending Death threats! YOU HYPOCRITICAL ARSEHOLES!!! YOU'RE BREAKING YOUR OWN RULES!!!!

What I'd like to do is recover the lost Ark of the Covenant, and fashion replica stone tablets from the dust contained therein. Then I'd take them and BEAT THE HYPOCRITES TO DEATH WITH THEM!!!!!!!!!! I know I'm going to Hell, but God I'd like to take some of them with me!!!!!

In conclusion, however, I think Jerry Springer - the Opera put it best. In that they should be:

Fucked

Up the ass

With barbed wire.